Hi there,
First of all I must apologise, I haven’t quite got to grips with the blogging world. I am terrible at maintaining routine or discipline when it comes to posting and it isn’t because I don’t have things to say or write about, it’s because I can’t quite figure out how to capture or share emotions or thoughts when they pop up and I’m not behind my laptop.
So I will try to be more considerate and disciplined – good thing I probably don’t have any followers yet 😉
So in my previous post, I mentioned that the term for a grief that is all consuming is ‘Complicated Grief’ but it is something that you have to face because there is no choice but to face it. Even if you hide under your bed for your years to come, you are still facing it.
So how do I face it? Well I haven’t quite got the formula yet but a lot of time has passed and so far the one thing that has gotten me through is looking at loved ones around me. You see, I look at people around me who love me; my parents, my siblings, my family, my in-laws, my friends, and they mourn the loss of my son through their own relationship with him but then they look at me, and they see me in pain and they can’t do anything about it.
The worst thing about when your child is sick, is the fact that you sit there helplessly. It tears you apart because you know there is nothing you can do – even when you would do absolutely anything. So I look at my parents, I’m their baby the way my baby was mine (a 30 year old baby but a baby nonetheless), and I know it must destroy them when they see me in pain and suffering and for them to know there is absolutely NOTHING they can do for me.
I don’t want them to feel that way. I don’t want them to suffer with no power to change what I am going through. So I try, I try to be okay, I try to make them feel better and it helps me get through the time. And the same counts for the rest of my family. I love them as much as they love me and I don’t want to be their cause of pain.
You may be wondering, I mentioned my in-laws but not my husband. Where is he in this picture? Well he has a very important role in this which needs a post of its own.
The point is, there will be something, a teeny tiny microscopic something that will help you get from one day to another. You just have to realise it and use it to heave yourself up bit by bit, and be proud that you are trying…because I know how hard it is and if I can do it, I know you can tooÂ